This blog contains a story of a suicide attempt. If you or someone you know needs support now, please call or text 988. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline provides free and confidential support 24/7.
 

Q: How can I get hope back?

A: First, I’m so proud of you for asking this question and trying to find answers. I know it’s not easy. I’ve been that person who was completely hopeless. It felt like there wasn’t any light and I was alone.

In those times, I felt a little lighter when someone else told me about their journeys through the darkness. I hope that’s what I can do here.

Before I could move beyond hopelessness, I had to come to terms with it. I had to admit it to myself before I could ask for help or do anything else to move forward. For a long time, I didn’t want to see it. I was taught to be strong. I heard it from my mom, from my aunties, from my community – I thought admitting I was hopeless or at the bottom made me weak.

At my most hopeless moment, I decided to take my own life. I had been sober for more than six months before relapsing, and I was done. Thankfully, someone stopped me. He sent me home to my kids and husband. I remember driving home and trying to come to terms with what I had just been ready to do. That’s when I asked myself this very question, “How can I get hope back?”

When I got home, I told my husband what happened. There were a few reasons I turned to him first. Of course, he’s my husband, but he’s also my best friend. I trust him, and he has been through a lot of the same life experiences I have. I knew he wouldn’t judge me or jump into “fix it” mode.

Sometimes, you just need a hug and someone to listen. My husband’s reaction wasn’t, “What can I do to help you?” or, “What’s wrong with you?” He hugged me and said he was sorry he didn’t know that was going on. Putting words to what was happening was such a relief. The burden and power that the darkness had over me was cut in half, just by telling someone else.

As you’re coming to terms with where you are, find someone you trust who will listen and make you feel safe. This person could be a therapist, a doctor, a mentor, a trusted friend or a crisis hotline volunteer. Telling one person won’t solve everything, but hopefully you can find relief and comfort in their kindness.

In those times when everything feels heavy, I have a few strategies that help me feel a little lighter. They don’t take a lot of work or brain power, and they can be done at any time or place. These three are just a few of my favorites; there are many other ways to find a ray of light when you need it.

• Hopeful messages. I still write messages on my mirror with a bright orange Expo marker. My most recent one was, “We are richest in the things that matter most.” You could write a phrase or a word or a prayer that’s meaningful to you, or even take a picture of it and set it as your phone home screen.
• Gratitude. This is so simple yet so powerful. Think about the things, moments and people you’re grateful for. You can say them out loud or write them down if you’re in a good place to do so. Instead of focusing on what I don’t have or what I’ve lost, even just listing three of my gratitudes makes me feel a little better.
• Grounding. I’m a big believer in taking your shoes and socks off, even just for a minute. If you can do it outside in the grass, even better. Place your feet on the Earth, take a breath and connect with the present moment.

A few years ago, I had a realization that still helps me to this day. If I look back at my life, especially the truly awful times, the most amazing things happened shortly afterward. Without one, there wouldn’t have been the other. That continues to give me hope today. Without the bad times, the good times wouldn’t mean as much as they do. There is so much joy and love and laughter to be found after the darkest points of our lives.

You can do this. You’re not alone. There is hope and light to be found, and I’m so hopeful you’ll shine brightly soon.

If you or someone you know needs support now, please call or text 988. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline provides free and confidential support 24/7.

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