March 13, 2025
Q: What does rock bottom look like?
A: “Rock bottom” is different for everybody.
To someone on the outside looking in, there are many life events that could be considered rock bottom. Job loss, divorce, arrest, losing custody of kids, overdose—the list goes on.
However, rock bottom isn’t something someone else can decide for you. It’s deeply personal, and it may happen internally. That’s what happened to me more than four years ago.
During my alcohol addiction, I was never arrested or charged with a DUI. I didn’t go to inpatient treatment or rehab. By all appearances, my life was mostly “together.”
Sometimes, someone who knew me while I was drinking will say something like, “Well, you weren’t really that bad.”
But the truth is alcohol was ruining my life.
Maybe I didn’t have the stereotypical rock bottom moment that someone else could see. But my world was empty, and I was struggling severely with depression.
That was a low time in my life, but things certainly could’ve gotten worse. Some people’s rock bottoms are 100% internal. If that’s the case, it’s nearly impossible for someone else to know what you went through. They might not even understand why you decided to quit drinking, which still happens to me.
That’s why the concept of rock bottom is so tricky. That’s also why it can be dangerous.
The myth that you have to wait for someone with addiction to “hit bottom” isn’t true. Cutting someone out of your life and waiting for their addition to get worse is usually very harmful.* Compassionate, proactive approaches work better, and they usually feel better, too. (*Every situation is different. I’d never recommend keeping someone in your life who threatens your safety. I’d also never want a loved one to feel shame or as if it’s their sole responsibility to get someone else well.)
Waiting for rock bottom could mean the person with addiction doesn’t survive. It could mean they lose their job, their spouse, their support system—all of which can be helpful resources once people start their recovery journey.
There are ways we can compassionately help people with addiction even if they’re not ready to accept it for themselves. Our loved ones program helps families model change, set boundaries and effectively communicate. We can’t solve addiction overnight, but we can improve our quality of life and help those we love with addiction move closer to wellness.
There are people who relate very strongly to the rock bottom narrative. They found the strength they needed to get sober after rock bottom, and they’re proud of how far they’ve come.
We should validate these experiences and encourage the curiosity and vulnerability that comes with reflecting on rock bottom. Rather than judging or comparing each other’s experiences––or feeling like our own misfortune wasn’t enough––let’s celebrate our recovery and embrace our unique stories.
Whether you’re a loved one worried about someone in your life or you think you’ve hit your own rock bottom, please don’t hesitate to reach out for help. We’re a team of peers who have all experienced different highs and lows, and we're happy to walk alongside you on your journey.